Tuesday, December 4, 2012

True Meaning of Busy...

I've fallen off the blog-wagon... AGAIN.  I have so many posts in my head and so many things I want to write and no real time to do it.  And when I do have time to actually write something on this blog, all I want to do is crash. Like take a long hot shower.  Get into bed.  Watch the junk on my DVR. Read blogs.

Yep, I'm still reading all your blogs like crazy... but I feel like I don't actually have the time or willpower to write.  Last month I looked into joining the Blogher network and I was about to fill out the application when I saw this:

We're looking for blogs:
  • written by women, or with a demonstrated female audience
  • with excellent content that engages a community
  • that are updated weekly (preferably twice a week, or more)

Yep. See that last part.  Blogs that updated WEEKLY.  It may not seem like a lot to many of you, but for me, getting a weekly post up has been impossible.  Being a full-time-working-mother is hard work.  Adding in an hour + commute each way and it's even tougher. I love spending time with Dylan but I also love my job.  It's been a tough balance because I wanted to go back to work.  I didn't have to.

An older woman in my office said to me when I came back, "You know in my day, we didn't need two salaries so I could easily be a stay-at-home mom."  I found it interesting that she naturally assumed I HAD TO work not that I wanted to work.  And then if you admit you didn't HAVE to work, does it make you sound like a bad mom?

Then on the other end of the spectrum, I work with some women who are all about detachment parenting. Women who would never dare attempt to breastfeed.  Women who don't have to work or want to work but rather women who work because they couldn't imagine taking care of a baby 24/7.

For me, in the situation I'm currently in, I want to work but that doesn't make me love my son any less. I am beyond obsessed with him and think about him all day long everyday. I have an album for every month of his life with an average of 300 pictures in each one.  I look at those photos several times a day.

But, I just often wonder about how busy I USED to think I was.  I didn't know busy until now. One of my best friends Stephanie wrote this post on her blog and I couldn't agree more.  Stef's baby is a month and a half older than Dylan.

the new normal is so much harder than the old normal. what did we use to do with all our time?! how did i not always have a clean house, dinner on the table and perfectly defined abs?! now i have someone else to get dressed and fed in the morning. a dryer full of clean clothes to fold that are not mine. an extra 20 tiny little nails to trim. milk to thaw. bottles to wash, sterilize and fill 5 nights a week. bath time. story time. play time. lots of play time.
last week dane was in a talent show at his day care. there were "performances" by each age group and all the parents were invited. there was food, refreshments and a band playing (i laughed to myself about the band who landed a gig playing at a day care center). i looked around the playground and said out loud, "ALL of these parents work". there was probably a hundred moms there who ALL juggle work and kids. it was good for me to see because i have spent all this time feeling bad for myself.. like what i was doing was so extraordinary. this is the norm. it finally sunk in that this is just the new normal.
What I'm doing everyday, what other working mothers are doing everyday, is just the new normal. I can't imagine the old normal anymore and honestly I wouldn't want to.  Because this new normal is so worth it.
Don't you think?

I'm currently home from work with a sick baby.  I started this post over a month ago and I finally have a second to publish it while Dylan is napping.  I still have other things to post- Thanksgiving and running updates.  Yep, I've been running!


  1. Great post, Lizzy. I can't relate but my mom worked the whole time, and I never felt that she loved us less because she WANTED to work (even if she didn't HAVE to). In fact, now, I respect her even more. Hope Dylan feels better soon! And I hope everything else is going well with you!! xo

  2. Great post! I can totally relate! While I wish I didn't have to work (well, I don't have to, but we can live much more comfortably because I do), I love what I do and can't imagine not doing it. It's not easy leaving my baby every day, but it doesn't mean I love her less. In fact, I work so I can provide food, clothes, an education, etc. for her. It doesn't mean I'm a bad mom. I love her just as much as any SAHM.

  3. Loved this post, Lizzy! I think it's amazing that you love your job so much that you want to work. And I don't think that makes Dylan any less loved - obviously it doesn't!! I can't wait for my new normal :)

  4. Lizzy, long lost friend! If it makes you feel any better I was in the dark for Oh, like a year and a half and I didn't have a baby! Little Dillon is such a cutie! I know this must be a struggle, but hang in there! Not that I can speak from experience, but it's all a part of the journey and you will get there!! I hope all is well!