Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Giants Win Was for You Dad

The last time I posted I was talking shit about the Giants and raving about my beloved New England Patriots. Oh and talking about Superbowl food.  I really believed there was no way in hell my Patriots were going to lose to the Giants... again.  And in those two + weeks that I've been silent on this blog, the Giants not only won the Superbowl, but I lost my father, one of the biggest Giants fans I know.


I don't talk too much about my personal life on this blog. It just doesn't feel comfortable to tell you all everything about me when I have no idea who you are.  But writing is therapeutic and I know I have to get these feelings out.
My father's life was cut way too short.  His death made me realize how unfair life can be.  It made me realize how the world is full of IF's.  And not having enough time.

I remember while watching the Superbowl unfold, I looked up at the clock and saw we had :57 seconds left.  Under a minute for a miracle.  But in my heart I knew it was too late.  And when the Giants won, I immediately started to tear up.  I said to myself, "that was for you Dad."

The next day I took the day off of work and I spent a lot of time listening to sports radio.  The announcers kept saying things like: "If Brady didn't throw that interception..." "If Welker made that catch..." "IF, IF, IF." I cried while driving because in so many ways that one football game symbolized what I was going through with my father's life.

On Thursday February 9th, my father passed away at the way too young age of 68 due to complications from Triple Bypass Surgery.

I've spent the last few days wishing I had more time with him.  Wishing I had more answers. Wishing we hadn't grown so far apart in the last five years.  Wishing he had met my nephews.  Wishing he could meet my future son. I kept thinking "what if?"  What if he didn't have the surgery?

My fathers funeral was on Sunday and over 75 people showed up.  A lot of people had great memories of my father. The truth was my dad was a big kid at heart.  He lived his life according to his plan and his weaknesses shaped his unique personality.

To paraphrase from my brothers eulogy, "if a persons life is measured by the memories he's left behind, my father has no equal."
I'm sure all the people who showed up at his funeral had numerous stories about my father.  And although my father was a complex man, he did have a very kind, giving heart.
My father captured our lives growing up through polaroids and with the worlds largest video camera known to man.  As soon as those video cameras went on the market, my dad had to get one.  And throughout my childhood, that video camera was always there.  Making videos in the 80s and 90s left a huge impact on me and was probably a huge reason why I majored in film in college and continue to make a career in the field. When I look back on my childhood, I think back to my track meets.  I think back to looking up in the stands before a big race and seeing my dad cheering his face off while carrying his big, bulky video camera.

I wish things could have ended differently for my father.  I wish I could have more time with him.  I wish so many things but in the end sometimes there are no answers. But the memories of my father will live on forever...

38 comments:

  1. Lizzy,
    You are an amazingly caring, heartfelt person. My thoughts have been with you and your family these past few weeks. You have never been a person to live by the word IF and I know you have only become a stronger person. Love you and love the emotion you shared. I am so so sorry for your loss.
    love always,
    Your chicagoans :)

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  2. Lizzy, I am so, so sorry to hear about your father. My heart goes out to you, and you and your family are in my thoughts. Just keep those happy memories in mind during this hard time.

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  3. I'm so sorry Lizzy. My heart goes out to you and your family.

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  4. Lizzy, I am so sorry for the loss of your father and thinking of you in this hard time. xoxo Daisy

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  5. A beautiful tribute by his bright and beautiful daughter. He would be very proud of you. Mom

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  6. Lizzy--so sorry to hear this! This really is an imporant reminder that tomorrow is promised to no one.

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  7. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for sharing this beautiful post.

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  8. Oh Lizzy...My heart is breaking for you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss and am thinking of you. Stay strong for the little one on the way and think of all the happy memories you had with your dad.

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  9. So sorry to hear about your Dad, Lizzy. And it just reminds me to really cherish time with loved ones. Thinking of you and your family.

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  10. Oh gosh, I'm sorry for your loss Lizzy! There isn't much to say in times like these but you seem to have a good outlook given the circumstances.

    I love that picture of him with the world's largest video camera :)

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  11. I'm so sorry for your loss, Lizzie. Let me know if there is anything I can do. I hope writing this post was in fact therapeutic for you.

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  12. Lizzy - this post is so beautiful and heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family right now. I know you are struggling and that there isn't really anything I can say or do to make it better, but I hope you know that I'm always here. If you want to talk...or even if you want to gossip about stupid crap just to get your mind off things. I'm here for you.

    So much love xoxo LB

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  13. Lizzy I am sending you the warmest thoughts and wishes right now. When I saw the title though, it immediately caught my attention because I said the same thing about my grandfather. He passed away the weekend before the superbowl and he was a huge Giants fan. I wish you so much strength and comfort.

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  14. Oh, Lizzy. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like your dad was a wonderful and much-loved man. I wish you and your family strength during this difficult time.

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  15. Love you, Lizzy. You're being so strong through all of this. I'm here to help, however I can.

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  16. I'm so sorry for your loss Lizzy. My thoughts are with you and your family. This post was a lovely way to remember him

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  17. This was a wonderful post about your dad. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now, but we're all here for you!

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  18. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. What an incredible post from an incredible woman.

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  19. Oh my gosh Lizzy, I'm so sorry for your loss. I knew there was a reason you were on my mind. Sending lots of love your way, let me know if there's anything i can do to help. Lovely tribute, and i know you'll cherish all of those photos and videos.

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  20. Liz - I am so sorry to hear this news. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

    I know where you are at. I lost my father as well and my only advice to you is to not beat yourself up for not having time spent with him but remember the time you did share.

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  21. My heart goes out to you. Lost my dad 10 years ago when I was 18. It gets better.

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  22. Liz, I am so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you. This was a lovely tribute.

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  23. It doesn't get any easier but you will get better at the missing. He is there with you always in your heart and your memories. And you are in my thoughts.

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  24. Your father will always be with you in your heart, Lizzy. Im thinking of you and your family. Stay strong. xo

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  25. So sorry for your loss, Lizzy. Sending lots of love your way.

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  26. What a beautiful post. So sorry for your loss.

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  27. Hi I know we don't chat anymore but i check in every once in a while and want to just wish you my condolences. having gone through a similar type of loss, i know this must be a very rough time for you and your family. remembering the stories and allowing your father to live on through you will get you there. i will be praying and thinking of all of you during this time.

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  28. So sorry to hear this Liz. It's great that you have so many good memories.

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  29. I'm so sorry for your loss. Even though he can't be here when you have your baby, I'm sure he'll still be with you and with your son, watching over you both every day going forward.

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  30. Liz, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Sending you big hugs. Your dad sounds like a great guy, not surprising because you are pretty awesome yourself! Let's catch up soon.

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  31. I'm so sorry for your loss Lizzy. This is a beautiful tribute and I hope it was of some comfort to share. You're in my thoughts.

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  32. Oh Liz, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family during this time.

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  33. my heart goes out to you and your family lizzy.

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  34. Liz, I'm behind on blog reading and just saw this. I am so sorry for your loss. This post was a wonderful tribute to your dad and he sounds like someone everyone would be lucky to know. I'm glad you have such wonderful memories of him. Sorry you're going through this :(

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  35. Lizzy, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I, too, had a dad who carried around a huge video camera in the 80's (complete with an electric cord, I believe!), and whenever we'd grimace at him recording our games or music concerts, he'd always say "Someday you'll watch these videos and thank me". He is right - having family photos and videos is a gift. I hope you'll be able to watch your own and remember your father, as he left the same gift for you. I am sure he knows you loved him and is very proud of you!

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  36. Lizzy, those are such nice words... Your dad will be missed by all of us! I'm glad I was there with you during this difficult time. I bookmarked your blog so I can read it all the time! Miss you, stay strong!!

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  37. oh no, girl! I'm sorry i'm just seeing this! I am so, so sorry for your loss, Lizzy. Such beautiful words. I hate that this happened to you, but I know you will be able to see him in your son <3

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  38. I'm way behind on my blog commenting, so I just saw this - I'm so sorry Lizzy *hugs* I hope your memories are giving you comfort. This was such a lovely tribute post.

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